How Do They Do It?

How do blended families make it work? The answer is lots of them don’t, I suppose, but last night I was struck once again with the ability of people to get along if they really want to. It was a wedding shower for my niece. Her mother was there and her mother’s sisters, her friends from childhood, her grandmother, none of whom I was surprised to see. And neither was I surprised to see the bride’s stepmother and stepsister in the thick of it helping out as usual. I love them all and I do love that they make it possible for us aunts to invite the whole wonderful crew to family events, but I don’t know how they do it.

One of my oldest friends’ former husband died a number of years ago. At the funeral there she was with their small son sitting with his present young twinky wife and doing all she could to ameliorate the situation. I mean, there was the new wife with a new baby and her 42-year-old husband was dead. Tough stuff, that. My friend sucked up her hurt and went to the aid of the competition. And at the reception following the event she was amazing, introducing us, Pete’s old friends, to his present wife and explaining all the wonderful stories that we all had shared. I learned a lot that day.

So I ask myself how they do it. I know why they do. They are generous enough to want their children to be happy and free of family friction. Understandable as that is, I still can’t help wondering what the inner feelings are. Does the second wife wonder if she is loved like the first one was? Does the first wife truly appreciate that someone else has been able to make her first husband happy? Do the children fully accept that their parents have moved on to other relationships, or are they still secretly hoping mom and dad will get back together?

Sometimes I think I know, but I really don’t. And the beautiful thing is, I never will.