Oh, How We Heal!

Hubby and I were having supper with my sister-in-law and her daughter the other day and found they are recovering quite nicely from their winter from hell. (They, along with my nephew, cared for my brother from January till April as he slipped from this life. For Ross ) I couldn't keep from watching Donna as she smiled and her face lit up. That funny little grin, when she teased my hubby as in the old days, was back and was a delight to see. Ross would be so glad.

We were all able to talk about other things, an improvement since most of our time together has been talking out our pain while trying to make sense of what we had collectively endured. Isn't it wonderful that we can move on? And I feel so blessed that I can move on without feeling it is a slight to Ross' memory. He so wanted us all to be happy and that is part of it, but the biggest thing is that in myself I have this sense of self-preservation that allows me to find a way to go on whenever something bad happens.

When my mother died after three and a half harrowing weeks in and out of hospitals, we could have blamed ourselves for not doing or saying the right things at the right times. But my mother's own example taught me to do my best and then go on. And that's what I did. Even today, I know that if I had the chance, I would fight both her and the medical people to do things differently but I do not blame myself. How could my siblings and I tell our intelligent, totally in control mother what to do? And I take solace in knowing that she made her own brave choices in the end, just as she did her whole life. And so I let her go and think happy thoughts of the woman who shaped me more than anyone in my life.

But back to my sister-in-law. Three months after her husband's death, she is going to go back to work part-time, she is sorting through the tangibles of my brother's life and doling them out where she can, and she is thinking new plans as she tries to make a new life. I so admire her. Her raw courage is amazing as she picks up the gauntlet, yet again, and struggles to fight for happiness. She deserves it.